seekinghaven (seekinghaven) wrote,

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Destruction in the service of creation

Big earth-moving and logging equipment and machines will be mobilized to Haven on Monday, and the grading will start on Tuesday.  That's one of the big bottom lines -- and exciting news it is! -- following a very eventful, difficult, painful, stressful three-month interval.  I won't go into all the details, at least not now -- it would take too long.  Although some good things happened within the bad, for a while it seemed like nothing -- absolutely nothing! -- was going right.  I felt desparate, and like I'd had the stuffing knocked out of me.  I became depressed. 

Life can be like that sometimes.  Suffice it to list a few highlights.

The difficult, and downright bad:

 The RV died its final death.

There were extra days spent in hotels far away from home, while my other vehicle was repaired. 

A lot of money went to vehicle repairs, and other vehicle-related expenses -- fuel not the least among them.

The loan to grade, etc. at Haven, which we had been told would be "no problem", was suddenly not in the cards -- the rules had changed.  This despite the fact that Lee and I both have excellent credit, and not a lot of debt. 

Galadriel, our much-beloved Scottish Deerhound, was diagnosed with osteosarcoma -- bone cancer -- on June 3rd.  It is terminal.  She will almost certainly not survive the summer -- in fact, she may not survive the next two weeks. 

The expense of renting housing and paying the mortgage for Haven is no longer tenable, if we want to make progress in building Haven.  We must move to Haven, but cannot begin that process until there is at least a driveway there.  

The Good

I caught a swarm of honey bees on our excavator's property in early June, and hived them in a nuc-sized top-bar hive I had on hand.

We were able to acquire three young Silver Fox rabbits, two does and a buck, to grow out for breeding stock.  Also, we were able to acquire three Havana Rabbits for breeding stock, a buck and two does. We were fortunate to obtain housing and shelter for them at very reasonable cost, and it will be moveable to Haven without much difficulty. 

Our friends Scott and Shannon have made an offer on a bank-owned property quite near Haven, and that offer has been accepted, and is moving along well.

The frustrating:

The weather proved very hard on bees, and the swarm's Queen died.  Although I have re-Queened them, I have little confidence that they will survive. 

Rabbits are supposed to, well, breed like rabbits.  But I'm having trouble getting the Havana rabbits to successfully make and raise baby bunnies.  That's not just frustrating.  It's damned annoying.

The chainsaws quit working.  All three of them, including the brand-new Stihl we purchased when the first one quit starting. 

The blessings:

 When I told our excavator of the problems we're having getting a loan, and confessed that I was terrified that he would say he couldn't do the job, he said he would work with us -- and that we needed to get the grading done before the ground got too hard and made the job still more expensive!

We have very good friends, several of whom rallied to our aid when we suddenly had to finish clearing the grading site at Haven in double-quick time.  That task is now as done as it needs to be, and the grading may proceed.

Despite the fact that Galadriel's cancer is extremely aggressive, and now huge, she has been enjoying life and getting around remarkably well. We have been able to adequately control the terrible pain of the disease with medications.  All this will change, and clearly the time is getting closer when we must ease her passage.  But the time we have had together has been good, despite our grief. She is helping us to pick the spot where she will be buried at Haven. 

Did I mention that we have very, very good friends, whom we love, and for whom we are very grateful?

Haven is beautiful.

Lee and I love each other very much. 

My relief to be able to continue our work at Haven has been enormous, even in the face of the scarey aspects of dealing with such things in the terrible current economy.  I am no longer depressed, though our grief related to Galadriel is very present. 

I'm an Aries on a mission, and have just had two weeks of heavy labor, building Haven. 

Now I must brace myself for the still greater change that is coming to the face of Haven -- I have never liked the scalped look of modern grading. Though the area to be graded is less than 1 acre out of more than 11 acres, the contrast between that and the pristine woods that were there will be shocking I'm sure. 

But also temporary, for this is destruction in the service of creation.  No creature moves in to a new home, without displacing those who were there, and creation always involves destruction. 

It's the tide of the Full Moon, and yesterday eve, I called to the Divine, and the spirits of the place, asking forgiveness for disruption and pain, and for aid in creating Haven.


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